


Stuck in a Ditch

by luvsanime02



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, M/M, Mild Language, Romance, thoughts about cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6264721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsanime02/pseuds/luvsanime02
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apparently, Edward Elric now thinks it's his mission to turn Roy's life completely upside-down. Roy's not sure if his brain can handle this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck in a Ditch

**Disclaimer:**  I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and this is for pleasure, not profit. I would never insult Arakawa Hiromu by implying otherwise.

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 **Stuck in a Ditch**  by luvsanime02

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"You know something? I had such a crush on you years ago."

This statement was followed by a self-conscious laugh. The forced kind, Roy knew, because he had learned throughout their many years of acquaintance that Edward Elric's real laugh was full and free, and always took him by surprise.

Roy Mustang's brain promptly petered out like an engine that had sputtered to a halt and slid sideways into the nearest ditch.

He turned the ignition and revved the engine, struggling to get his brain back online, by tossing back the rest of his tumbler of whiskey, hoping the burn of the alcohol would act as fuel. No such luck, so he poured himself another one.

When that one too was quickly gone, and a third was procured just in case, Roy turned back to face his companion. Edward was giving him a cautious look, amber-shaded eyes carefully guarded.

Roy wanted to ask if he was drunk, but could see no way to do so without trivializing what Edward had just told him. The last thing he wanted was for Edward's declaration to turn into a shouting match. Besides, Edward didn't have a drink in his hand, and Roy didn’t remember seeing him with more than one over the course of the entire night.

 _But why?_ Roy wondered. This was the crux of his confusion, the reason he couldn't pull himself back together enough to produce words. _Why…?_

Still, Edward was starting to look more annoyed and embarrassed than cautious, and the man's legendary temper hadn't simmered down enough over the years for Roy to feel at ease with this change. Gamely, he cleared his throat.

"When you say 'years ago,' Ed," he asked, voice sounding as dead as his brain, "that means how long ago, exactly?" The very idea of Edward having once had a crush on him was… There were no wordsfor that, but surely it couldn't have been 'years ago.'

Oddly enough, his flat tone seemed to calm Edward down. That was enough for Roy to become mildly curious about what response the other man had been expecting. Unfortunately, his brain was still stuck in a ditch and the tow truck hadn't arrived yet. Well, one thought at a time then.

"You know," Edward said, waving one hand around in the air flippantly. Roy had never been entirely sure what was supposed to be conveyed with that gesture, especially by an Elric, but luckily Edward went on more, as he often did. "When you were a colonel, and I was some teenaged brat under your command."

He said the comment nonchalantly. While Roy agreed fervently that Edward had been an absolute brat back then, the rest of him was rather stuck on the stated timeframe. He opened his mouth, paused when he felt something liquid rush over his hand, and realized that he was dripping very fine, expensive whiskey that Riza had bought specifically for him onto the same woman's carpet. Quickly, Roy jerked the tumbler upright again.

He turned his gaze back to Edward, only to see that the other man was now looking down at the mess on the floor with one eyebrow raised. The whiskey did make a rather noticeable color contrast to the light cream of the carpet, but Roy's brain still couldn't multifunction, couldn't handle worrying both about Riza shooting him and Edward in front of him, and so he once again prioritized.

"Why," Roy began, only to stop when he couldn’t decide which question to ask first. His brain's car engine had decided to catch on fire in addition to being stuck in the ditch, and the tow truck was being elusive.

"Why didn't I tell you back then?" Edward guessed. The least Roy could do was nod, because yes, that was something he wanted to know, even if it wasn't his most pressing question. Edward snorted, loudly and expressively, and stared at him like he wasn't sure if Roy was joking or not.

Roy took this moment to focus his thoughts back on the whiskey long enough to drink the remains in his tumbler before setting it down, lest he spill any more. It only took a second for Roy to miss the glass, not having before realized that it had been giving him something to do with his hands. Edward spoke again before Roy could debate whether crossing his arms would make him look uncomfortable or not, and so he left them dangling awkwardly at his sides.

"Why the hell would I have done something as masochistic as that?" Edward exclaimed, his tone exasperated more than anything else. "You teased me about  _every_ thing back then. Like I was really going to give you more material to work with."

Edward, it seemed, had no problems with seeming confrontational or uncomfortable at the moment, because he ended his point by crossing his arms over his own chest. It was when Roy realized that he was envious of Edward's ability to think in complete sentences - hell, that he was able to think in multiple syllables - that Roy's brain gave a last-ditch effort and turned the key again. He almost visibly started at his synapses firing rapidly into third gear, skipping gears one and two altogether and grinding his thoughts painfully in the process.

"Ed," Roy said, his tone as smooth as always, with just a hint of his own exasperation showing through, "you're twenty and engaged. It's been, what, five years? Something close to that? Why in the world are you telling me this now?" And Roy almost held his breath after asking, because that was the question he really wanted answered.

To give Edward some credit, Roy thought wryly, he at least had the decency to look mildly abashed. Roy curled one hand on his hip and raised one of his eyebrows, silently marveling at his ability to once again do both simultaneously, and waited Edward out. Thankfully, he did not have to wait long.

Edward shook his head, though it seemed to be at himself and not Roy. His high ponytail slipped forward over his right shoulder, the bright gold a sharp contrast to his light blue dress shirt. "I know," Edward said, slowly at first and then rushing on. "I have no idea, really. It's just, I am twenty now and engaged and all that, and getting ready to settle down. I suppose that's why."

Edward's eyes, which had been on the carpet, on the stain actually, now flicked to Roy's, and for the first time since Edward had walked over to him at this party Roy thought he understood the world again. Edward was, in his own way, trying to clear the air between them, to put the past behind himself, and so he had come clean to Roy about a crush from years ago. Edward's declaration had nothing to do with the present. He was simply saying something that Edward thought he needed to confess before moving on.

Roy thought about that for a moment, thought about all of the looks and anger and those damn eerie impersonations of him Edward had gone around spouting, and it all suddenly made so much sense that Roy felt like rolling his eyes at himself for being so blind back then and needing Edward to point the obvious out to him now.

Edward must have caught something of his thoughts on his face because he grinned suddenly. "Hindsight, right?" he asked rhetorically, and Roy snorted softly in agreement.

The party was winding down, Roy found. Knowing Edward, he had waited until it was late and Roy already had a drink or two in him before he broached the subject. Remembering the stain at their feet, Roy quickly shot a furtive look around the room, but the newly-appointed Colonel Hawkeye was facing a group on the other side of the room and not paying any attention to him and Edward near the bar. Thus, she was currently unaware of the mess Roy had made.

"I'd clean it up for you with alchemy," Edward said, interrupting his thoughts, "but there's no way in hell she wouldn't notice that and come marching over to drill us about it anyway."

Edward was right, Roy knew, but that didn't necessarily help him with his current predicament. Sighing, he took out some club soda and grabbed some napkins. He then spent the next five minutes, with Edward as a wary lookout, blotting the whiskey on the carpet just as Gracia had taught him to all those years ago. To his delight, and immense relief, the color eventually lifted off, leaving the carpet damp but clean.

Roy even managed to dispose of the napkins without being detected. "Mission accomplished, General?" Edward asked, voice amused, a wicked gleam of mischief suddenly coming to flare in his eyes.

Roy smirked at his friend. "Considering I did all of the work? Of course it is," he teased.

Edward rolled his eyes.

########

Roy really shouldn't have been all that surprised by the knock on his door two weeks later. And maybe he wouldn't have been, he mused, if it hadn't come at three in the morning.

Edward said nothing at the door, rushing to get inside and out of the winter air. Roy was thankfully more awake than not. He must have been in a light sleep, and so he closed his front door and followed Edward into the living room feeling only slightly confused and alarmed.

"Ed," Roy started to say, only to realize that Edward wasn't paying any attention to him, was in fact pacing back and forth on the floor in front of the fire grate. Sighing, but feeling moderately concerned - Edward usually had enough manners not to barge into other people's homes in the dead of the night, at least - Roy picked up a glove from the mantle, pulled it on, and lit the wood inside the grate on fire. His task accomplished, he set himself down on the couch and waited for Edward to speak.

The fact that Edward remained silent was unusual enough that Roy's concern raised yet another notch. He watched Edward walk back and forth, not stopping to turn around but instead walking to one end of the living room, making a tight turn, and then walking back the other way. Roy wondered if he ought to offer the man some coffee or something, but Edward chose that moment to finally start talking.

Without altering his pace in the slightest, without even looking at him, Edward threw out, "Back then, I really wanted you to be the first person I had sex with."

 _Well, hello ditch,_ Roy thought dryly. _We've got to stop meeting like this._ Briefly, Roy considered just getting up and going the hell back to bed - maybe this was a very odd dream - but unfortunately his body had seeped into shock along with his brain, and so he was effectively rooted to the spot.

Edward, seemingly oblivious to Roy's conundrum, not that the man didn't have enough on his own mind apparently, went on. "Winry wanted to have sex with me, but I said no. I mean, that's not normal, right? Someone's fiancée asks to have sex with him, then the guy should be pretty happy about it." Edward sounded very upset with himself, and Roy thought fleetingly of offering comforting words or sage advice, but his brain was on the ‘stuck in a ditch with the engine on fire’ routine again. Not to mention waiting in vain for the ever-elusive tow truck.

How had Edward managed to say something like that without blushing? Roy was sure that if his brain hadn't been such a wreck his own face would be putting out some serious heat, never mind Edward's. And why was Edward telling Roy this? If someone would please just explain to Roy why Edward Elric felt like it was his mission to turn Roy's life upside-down lately, he'd be eternally grateful.

He noticed with a start that Edward had stopped talking and was in fact looking at Roy impatiently, finally standing still and frowning at him. It was almost as though… _Oh, for the love of-_ Roy thought, with not a little trepidation. _He actually expects a response?!_

Well, if that was so, and apparently it was, Roy really only had one option. "Why," he asked, enunciating every word as though it were its own sentence, "are you telling me this, Ed?"

He was suddenly very tired. Roy's body felt exhausted, even more so than when he’d gone to bed that night, more tired than he’d felt in a very long time. Oddly enough, his brain chose that moment to turn the key again. The engine flared to life, not as dramatically as the last time, but starting back up again nonetheless.

Edward opened his mouth, but closed it again without saying a word. He looked lost, and Roy didn’t miss the helpless expression in his eyes. The last thing Roy expected Edward to do next was to calmly walk out of his living room and back out through his front door.

Roy spent the next several hours not asleep, but instead pondering Edward, wondering what his life would be like if he was in a relationship with Edward Elric of all people, and if the young Rockbell woman could really hate him any more than she already did anyway. He couldn't even bring himself to wonder what Alphonse’s opinion was about all of this, how much he already knew or had guessed. Eventually, it was morning, and Roy rose slowly from the couch and went about his routine to get ready for work.

########

The wedding was called off, unexpectedly and abruptly if the rumors were to be taken accurately. Roy thought that was safe to do so in this case. Of course, he knew nothing about the matter first-hand, because Edward had disappeared for the last month. Roy really wanted to be mad at this vanishing act. He wanted to be furious, because there was a part of him that felt like his whole life had been turned around only to be put indefinitely on hold. Still, there was an equal part of Roy that couldn't help but feel extremely sorry for his inadvertent role in the whole mess.

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Three weeks later, and it was a bright Saturday afternoon when there was another knock on his door. Roy opened it to find Edward standing there looking remarkably at ease for someone who couldn’t show his face in his hometown right now for fear of further dismemberment. For the first time in weeks, Edward seemed in no hurry to make some comment that would turn Roy's brain sideways. Instead, the man cocked his head slightly to the side. "Wanna go get something to eat?" he asked.

Roy took a minute to study Edward, looking over his relaxed face and the settled look in his eyes, noticed the sun giving spectacular highlights to his hair and skin, and gave a faint smirk.

"I don't see why not," he agreed. "But we're  _not_  taking the car." Edward's eyebrows rose into his hairline, and Roy felt his smirk widen. "Tow trucks can be highly unreliable these days." Edward gave him a look that clearly stated he didn't know whether to be amused by Roy or concerned for his sanity, but he acquiesced after only a moment's deliberation.

They walked the whole way to the restaurant close enough to bump shoulders.

########

Their first kiss was with Edward's back against Roy's front door, Edward's flesh arm hanging around his neck, fingers curling in the hair at the back of his head. Edward kept his automail arm almost carefully down by Roy's side.

Roy inhaled slowly through his nose, smelled the beginnings of spring, and ran his right hand along Edward's back before his palm cupped the other man's hip. Roy’s other hand grasped the automail and brought it up to join Edward's flesh arm around his neck. His fingers carted through the silk of Edward's hair, slowly tilting his head just the right amount.

Edward hummed happily into Roy's mouth and pulled him in tighter.


End file.
